shadows are where i lurk
shadows are where my evil deeds are done
life has no meaning
death is the only way out
alone i climb
those rocky mountain trails
alone i walk
those long, dirty roads
alone again i find myself
i'm found by me
seeing death's face
and holding his hand
his eyes so dark
and inviting
through the rocks
he speaks to me
by his fire i burn
he has my hand
his steps guide my path
from light i'm led
to darkness i go
the fire in his voice contains me
and i am his
the darkness becomes me
and i become it
we grow together
and fuse into one
my heart, mind, body and soul
all are engrossed in the darkness I am
life is death
death is life
and love is life
therefore love is death
and love lost leaves us dead
but love gained brings us flight
together we climb rocky trails
we walk together on long dirt roads
he found me alone
i was found by him
his face i see
his hand i take
away he leads me
away from the darkness
the light we enter
but only together
through the clouds to me he speaks
in his wake i drift
his love engulfs me
a world of light
surrounds us
and we become one
the darkness dissolves
my heart, mind, body and soul
all once cloaked in shadow and darkness
only shadows of former beings
now revealed by light
their hiding places removed
returning with hope and joy
my place is found
death is within love
and love within death
but life is found in death
and death found in life
with love found in both
life without love is death
death without love is life
love destroys the shadows with light
Monday, December 29, 2008
Final Love
This is the way it has to be
But there is a way i want it to be
its not always right
its not always fair
yet its not always wrong
and not always bad
the love we shared
was only a dream
the days we shared
were simply wishes
i never knew
i never saw
the truth of lies
and the lies in the truth
the wishes i wished
the dreams i dreamed
the love i sought
i found in you
the peace of life
inside a dream
the sight of our futures
inside your eyes
this is the way it always was
this is the way i like it to be
you only with me
and me forever with you
our futures together
would last forever
the world we shared
was ours alone
my soul was yours
and yours was mine
the dreams we shared
are fading thoughts
the shooting stars
on which we wished
are fading away
inside your eyes
your love for me
my love for you
is waning away to one new moon
this isnt the way it was supposed to end
this isnt the way it was meant to be
me without you
you without me
all of the dreams that remain undreamed
and all of the wishes we never wished
all of our hopes have died in flames
the love in my heart
you've nearly destroyed
the gorgeous sun once shone with our love
the majestic oceans once glistened with care
our souls once joined forever
our wishes and love were once the same
the same hopes and dreams we both once had
when you left my soul died
the sun finally set on us last night
the love i felt for you was different
that love never again will i ever feel
we weren't meant to be apart
it wasn't supposed to end at all
the sun has risen once again
you, i will forever keep in my heart
this is the way it has to be
there is a way i want it to be
this is the way love must be
the sun must rise and set and grow
the moon must wane and wax and glow
our love must grow and glow
our love has grown and glowed with care
but it is all over now
But there is a way i want it to be
its not always right
its not always fair
yet its not always wrong
and not always bad
the love we shared
was only a dream
the days we shared
were simply wishes
i never knew
i never saw
the truth of lies
and the lies in the truth
the wishes i wished
the dreams i dreamed
the love i sought
i found in you
the peace of life
inside a dream
the sight of our futures
inside your eyes
this is the way it always was
this is the way i like it to be
you only with me
and me forever with you
our futures together
would last forever
the world we shared
was ours alone
my soul was yours
and yours was mine
the dreams we shared
are fading thoughts
the shooting stars
on which we wished
are fading away
inside your eyes
your love for me
my love for you
is waning away to one new moon
this isnt the way it was supposed to end
this isnt the way it was meant to be
me without you
you without me
all of the dreams that remain undreamed
and all of the wishes we never wished
all of our hopes have died in flames
the love in my heart
you've nearly destroyed
the gorgeous sun once shone with our love
the majestic oceans once glistened with care
our souls once joined forever
our wishes and love were once the same
the same hopes and dreams we both once had
when you left my soul died
the sun finally set on us last night
the love i felt for you was different
that love never again will i ever feel
we weren't meant to be apart
it wasn't supposed to end at all
the sun has risen once again
you, i will forever keep in my heart
this is the way it has to be
there is a way i want it to be
this is the way love must be
the sun must rise and set and grow
the moon must wane and wax and glow
our love must grow and glow
our love has grown and glowed with care
but it is all over now
when i look out windows
it's rather depressing as you drive by.
the desolate avenues and abandoned streets.
but as the light breaks through you see it's true nature.
the glass glitters and people come out.
but it's still so depressing.
the rain begins to fall.
and the damp streets humm with the low rhythm of the people.
the people that used to be happy.
but now stare isolated out of the windows that just yesterday were glittering.
the streets are simple.
the streets are bare.
the sun breaks through and you see the true nature.
a hidden place of wonder
where the trees shine and the streets shimmer.
a place so isolated and desolate.
that it's beautiful.
the desolate avenues and abandoned streets.
but as the light breaks through you see it's true nature.
the glass glitters and people come out.
but it's still so depressing.
the rain begins to fall.
and the damp streets humm with the low rhythm of the people.
the people that used to be happy.
but now stare isolated out of the windows that just yesterday were glittering.
the streets are simple.
the streets are bare.
the sun breaks through and you see the true nature.
a hidden place of wonder
where the trees shine and the streets shimmer.
a place so isolated and desolate.
that it's beautiful.
sunbeams and bedsheets
when the sun goes down
and i get in bed
all that enters my head are my thoughts of you
the dreams
the fun
the love i could i have
your face is what wakes me up in the morning
your scent is the morning dew on my pillow
your smile is what makes my heart beat
i love you
I Love You
I LOVE YOU
Is what i want to scream to the world
I've found my true love
The one person
Who makes me nervous
Just by saying my name
The one who makes smile like nothing was ever wrong
The one who makes the world disappear
And time stop
I could be in his arms forever
the man of my dreams is so incredible
Yet so far away
the touch of his hand on mine seems like a distant breeze
the way he said my name a distant whisper
Remembering what it was like
To simply look into his eyes
Feels like looking into a telescope and two distant glimmering masses
The lost feeling of his arms wrapped around me
The sound of his laughter like the fading sound of church bells
The hope of my love returned
The hope of having his heart
The comfort
The happiness
The silent respect
I think he can fly and just won't tell me
I think he has x-ray vision and can see what's in my heart
His super strength is what saved my heart from breaking
His super speed is why he caught me before I crash landed
His heart is what saved my life
His face a dream
His love a nightmare i never want to wake up from
A man I've never met
A hand I've never held
A touch I've never felt
The man of my dreams
Is just that
and i get in bed
all that enters my head are my thoughts of you
the dreams
the fun
the love i could i have
your face is what wakes me up in the morning
your scent is the morning dew on my pillow
your smile is what makes my heart beat
i love you
I Love You
I LOVE YOU
Is what i want to scream to the world
I've found my true love
The one person
Who makes me nervous
Just by saying my name
The one who makes smile like nothing was ever wrong
The one who makes the world disappear
And time stop
I could be in his arms forever
the man of my dreams is so incredible
Yet so far away
the touch of his hand on mine seems like a distant breeze
the way he said my name a distant whisper
Remembering what it was like
To simply look into his eyes
Feels like looking into a telescope and two distant glimmering masses
The lost feeling of his arms wrapped around me
The sound of his laughter like the fading sound of church bells
The hope of my love returned
The hope of having his heart
The comfort
The happiness
The silent respect
I think he can fly and just won't tell me
I think he has x-ray vision and can see what's in my heart
His super strength is what saved my heart from breaking
His super speed is why he caught me before I crash landed
His heart is what saved my life
His face a dream
His love a nightmare i never want to wake up from
A man I've never met
A hand I've never held
A touch I've never felt
The man of my dreams
Is just that
you're the wasted t-shirt on my guitar
I peeped him long time ago when he told me
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you...
He says he's so in love
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He's finally got it right
You stepped to me and then you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
She'd better hold him tight
And swear she'll never let him go
Give him all her love
Crawl inside
Wait by the light of the moon
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
And when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul
You don't know how much I'd give for
The way we held each others hands
The way we talked the way we laughed
It felt so good to find true love
I knew right then and there you were the one
And I was in the mirror, playing roles
Remember the first day you fell in love with me
It felt so good for you to say those words
Cause I felt the same way too
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right
Cause if you only knew what I felt for you
Let ya know that I admire what you do
Boy you had a keeper
Don’t know if I need to reassure you
You didn't know how to treat her
My life would be purposeless without you
Should have felt a little deeper
And now you've got my heart racin
(how do I know you won't hurt me like he has?)
You're so deep
The other half im only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
Baby please
Well you drive me crazy half the time
Take it easy
Can't nothing tear us apart
Come to my window
I'll be home soon
Now you've got to come clean
Cause it's killing me
I loved you since I knew you
I wouldn't talk down to you
I have to tell you just how I feel
I won't share you with another girl
I know my mind is made up
So put away your makeup
Told you once I won't tell you again
It's like no matter what I do.
Let me feed you
And I'm only me when I'm with you.
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
You cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes...
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance
You never let me drive
You would have held on tighter
You're a redneck, heartbreak
You should've gone home
Who's really been a lie
Fought a little harder
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned,
I ain't spending no more time with
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
The only one that has seeped into my chest
And he's all that I need to fall into..
But I love him so
Thought he was the one
But now I don't know
It's not in your plans
That you've shown
Baby I heard you
I can't resist... before you go, tell me this
Was it worth it...
Was she worth this...
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Nobody left in this world to hold me tight
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know
These chicks don't pop like me
Uncomparable girl
No comparing me
I realized you love yourself
More that you could ever love me
Too late
I'll tell mine
You're gay
The game is over
He'll see a girl's
Gotta do what she's gotta do
I'll do what you want me to do
I'm your private dancer
And you're tied together with a smile
In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
Why is it that I just decide to keep holdin' on
You're the Wasted T-Shirt on my Guitar
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you...
He says he's so in love
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He's finally got it right
You stepped to me and then you said to me
I was the woman you dreamed about
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
She'd better hold him tight
And swear she'll never let him go
Give him all her love
Crawl inside
Wait by the light of the moon
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
And when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul
You don't know how much I'd give for
The way we held each others hands
The way we talked the way we laughed
It felt so good to find true love
I knew right then and there you were the one
And I was in the mirror, playing roles
Remember the first day you fell in love with me
It felt so good for you to say those words
Cause I felt the same way too
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right
Cause if you only knew what I felt for you
Let ya know that I admire what you do
Boy you had a keeper
Don’t know if I need to reassure you
You didn't know how to treat her
My life would be purposeless without you
Should have felt a little deeper
And now you've got my heart racin
(how do I know you won't hurt me like he has?)
You're so deep
The other half im only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
Baby please
Well you drive me crazy half the time
Take it easy
Can't nothing tear us apart
Come to my window
I'll be home soon
Now you've got to come clean
Cause it's killing me
I loved you since I knew you
I wouldn't talk down to you
I have to tell you just how I feel
I won't share you with another girl
I know my mind is made up
So put away your makeup
Told you once I won't tell you again
It's like no matter what I do.
Let me feed you
And I'm only me when I'm with you.
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
You cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes...
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance
You never let me drive
You would have held on tighter
You're a redneck, heartbreak
You should've gone home
Who's really been a lie
Fought a little harder
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned,
I ain't spending no more time with
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
The only one that has seeped into my chest
And he's all that I need to fall into..
But I love him so
Thought he was the one
But now I don't know
It's not in your plans
That you've shown
Baby I heard you
I can't resist... before you go, tell me this
Was it worth it...
Was she worth this...
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Nobody left in this world to hold me tight
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know
These chicks don't pop like me
Uncomparable girl
No comparing me
I realized you love yourself
More that you could ever love me
Too late
I'll tell mine
You're gay
The game is over
He'll see a girl's
Gotta do what she's gotta do
I'll do what you want me to do
I'm your private dancer
And you're tied together with a smile
In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
Why is it that I just decide to keep holdin' on
You're the Wasted T-Shirt on my Guitar
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
Flyin High On That All-Star Airplane
why lover
why does the passion only occur during your love affair?
when you perform like an all star with all american tendencies
you say i'm your angel and you call me angie for short
but why is it that they aren't the same thing?
you say you love apple jacks
but aunt nora says its the aunt mary in you
and all aunt emma ever talks about are the aurora borealis
and the visual effects of speed racer that come to her when its there
i want you to go to aspen with me where we can have our vanilla ice cream
with biscuits and bubble gum
i want to shake you and shove your face in the mirror
but when i see those eyes all i can think is
how much id love to need something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue
and when even the blue mist that should have been a purple haze was stained pink with purple rain that poured through and dyed the contents of my heart
i realized that your love affair can only occur when we both engage in backbreakers that only leave us broken and shattered with memories we aren't sure really existed
but this is dedicated to the only ones who ever took me to the peak of perfection
the only ones who ever took me to aspen
the one that makes me smile when i think of vanilla ice cream
and when i take a dive backwards into your arms it always feels like a bad trip
why do we always meet like this
in ways where we are never really us
when i feel like bagging the blankets
why are you always the one i confess to
why is it that a heart ive never seen
i confide in
why is that this heart i possess that youve never touched you seem to hold in your hands
why when everything's blasted to hell do i turn to you
why is it that when there's a blizzard and the winds blow our roof
do we sit here with blue chairs underneath my first blue moon
listening to our hearts pound to the beat of the song of the blue birds
praying that one day the blue sky blond blue boy will one day return and make things right again
that one day the blue velvet that makes our purple haze a blue mist will return
so that our only encounters will happen in aspen where the powders fresh and the cuts in it are deep
occasionally i feel like only a boat will help us escape
untill the brick falls through and all we left are the memories of flying high on that all-star airplane that we arent sure existed
and when the blue mist clears and the sky is blue velvet
and the bumblebees hover and float around the butter flowers
and the kids in their spring time outfits are cute as buttons
and they all want candy
and little Cecil wants champagne and caviar
but me, i wanna taste that beautiful rainbow that the blue mist from the purple rain that stained my heart with the blood of your love created
but when you throw rocks at my window, because its the only thing that gets my attention
we go play with chalk and draw on the sky and thank daley for the chicago greenery
and we find a way to marvel at how we always meet like this
and then chase our shadows
and drown our troubles in chocolate, chocolate ecstasy
and im constantly telling you that i hope nothing you're about to see will shake your faith in me
i hope that aphrodite amasses the love that i desire in your heart
and that finger eleven tells me one thing
that something isnt quite right here
that the just the one, two of us, who's counting on to three, four, times ive met you here
like this
like that
like i am now
like a christmas tree thats a lil chunky
and i always ask you to pass me the clicker during our little clam bakes that rival those at the cape
and you leave me on cloud nine where the colas and cocktails and cocoa puffs flow free
that make me wanna mix my cocoa puffs with your milk
and when the dew turns to diamonds
and the dots that mark the city grow closer together
and nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone with doughnuts we've never tasted
we become adventurous
and we experience a sort of adam and eve in the garden of eden that resembles midnight in the garden of good and evil
where i stained my soul for you
and all i have left are the memories of flying high on that all-star airplane we still aren't sure ever really existed
you've introduced me to a whole new world that i cant give up
because here there is no one to tell us no or where to go or if we're only dreaming
you left me alone on this magic carpet ride that always ends with a meeting we never intended
but when i fall i fiend for a fix of you
to steady the fire in my fingers that makes them shake
you have me geeking like a georgia home boy at a tractor pull
i just wish that we could cut the glass with the diamonds we used to slice down the slopes at aspen's most heavenly peaks
but you left me
you left me
left me
me
flying high on that all-star airplane with all-american tendencies
alone
and we'd never meet like this ever again once my carpet lands and the plane begins descending and as we slowly come down i realize that those memories would exist once i stopped living them
living them with you way up here.
why does the passion only occur during your love affair?
when you perform like an all star with all american tendencies
you say i'm your angel and you call me angie for short
but why is it that they aren't the same thing?
you say you love apple jacks
but aunt nora says its the aunt mary in you
and all aunt emma ever talks about are the aurora borealis
and the visual effects of speed racer that come to her when its there
i want you to go to aspen with me where we can have our vanilla ice cream
with biscuits and bubble gum
i want to shake you and shove your face in the mirror
but when i see those eyes all i can think is
how much id love to need something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue
and when even the blue mist that should have been a purple haze was stained pink with purple rain that poured through and dyed the contents of my heart
i realized that your love affair can only occur when we both engage in backbreakers that only leave us broken and shattered with memories we aren't sure really existed
but this is dedicated to the only ones who ever took me to the peak of perfection
the only ones who ever took me to aspen
the one that makes me smile when i think of vanilla ice cream
and when i take a dive backwards into your arms it always feels like a bad trip
why do we always meet like this
in ways where we are never really us
when i feel like bagging the blankets
why are you always the one i confess to
why is it that a heart ive never seen
i confide in
why is that this heart i possess that youve never touched you seem to hold in your hands
why when everything's blasted to hell do i turn to you
why is it that when there's a blizzard and the winds blow our roof
do we sit here with blue chairs underneath my first blue moon
listening to our hearts pound to the beat of the song of the blue birds
praying that one day the blue sky blond blue boy will one day return and make things right again
that one day the blue velvet that makes our purple haze a blue mist will return
so that our only encounters will happen in aspen where the powders fresh and the cuts in it are deep
occasionally i feel like only a boat will help us escape
untill the brick falls through and all we left are the memories of flying high on that all-star airplane that we arent sure existed
and when the blue mist clears and the sky is blue velvet
and the bumblebees hover and float around the butter flowers
and the kids in their spring time outfits are cute as buttons
and they all want candy
and little Cecil wants champagne and caviar
but me, i wanna taste that beautiful rainbow that the blue mist from the purple rain that stained my heart with the blood of your love created
but when you throw rocks at my window, because its the only thing that gets my attention
we go play with chalk and draw on the sky and thank daley for the chicago greenery
and we find a way to marvel at how we always meet like this
and then chase our shadows
and drown our troubles in chocolate, chocolate ecstasy
and im constantly telling you that i hope nothing you're about to see will shake your faith in me
i hope that aphrodite amasses the love that i desire in your heart
and that finger eleven tells me one thing
that something isnt quite right here
that the just the one, two of us, who's counting on to three, four, times ive met you here
like this
like that
like i am now
like a christmas tree thats a lil chunky
and i always ask you to pass me the clicker during our little clam bakes that rival those at the cape
and you leave me on cloud nine where the colas and cocktails and cocoa puffs flow free
that make me wanna mix my cocoa puffs with your milk
and when the dew turns to diamonds
and the dots that mark the city grow closer together
and nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone with doughnuts we've never tasted
we become adventurous
and we experience a sort of adam and eve in the garden of eden that resembles midnight in the garden of good and evil
where i stained my soul for you
and all i have left are the memories of flying high on that all-star airplane we still aren't sure ever really existed
you've introduced me to a whole new world that i cant give up
because here there is no one to tell us no or where to go or if we're only dreaming
you left me alone on this magic carpet ride that always ends with a meeting we never intended
but when i fall i fiend for a fix of you
to steady the fire in my fingers that makes them shake
you have me geeking like a georgia home boy at a tractor pull
i just wish that we could cut the glass with the diamonds we used to slice down the slopes at aspen's most heavenly peaks
but you left me
you left me
left me
me
flying high on that all-star airplane with all-american tendencies
alone
and we'd never meet like this ever again once my carpet lands and the plane begins descending and as we slowly come down i realize that those memories would exist once i stopped living them
living them with you way up here.
now
i gave you my heart
and you took off running
you ran to the sink and shoved it down the disposal
but now you're back and i cant seem to see straight
where my heart used to be butterflies reside
and you've run off with me and i didnt even know it
and you took off running
you ran to the sink and shoved it down the disposal
but now you're back and i cant seem to see straight
where my heart used to be butterflies reside
and you've run off with me and i didnt even know it
Ice, Water, Vapor: My Interpretation of Love
no i don't think i've ever seen a truly successful relationship. love changes. people change. and i think that's why i at least have yet to see a truly successful relationship. love is like water, it continues on forever but not always in the same form. whether it be liquid, gas, or as a solid.
as people change the love we feel for each other changes as well. sometimes it's the kind of love that is all consuming. where we look at the other person and know that everything is okay. the love that says i am all yours. but there's also the love that says i love you but you hurt me so it'll never really be the same again. there's love that says you have a place in my heart just not my life. those last two have to be the hardest. because with those types the love isn't lost just the person you fell in love with.
but thats why most marriages don't work. and i've seen this my entire life. they don't work because the people in it change but the marriage doesn't. a marriage that once encompassed two people who had given their hearts to each other now separately houses two hearts that cant understand that the heart they used to hold isn't what it used to be.
but if the relationship changes with the people. if we can learn to accept the fact that people are what they are and that people change. if we can all learn that you either need to accept people for who they are and love them for it or walk away if you can't. then maybe love has a chance of surviving.
we're running out of fresh water. maybe it's time for a few desalinization plants. that way all the water does is change.
i really think this may sound odd. im not sure if i typed it right or my point got across really well but here it is.
as people change the love we feel for each other changes as well. sometimes it's the kind of love that is all consuming. where we look at the other person and know that everything is okay. the love that says i am all yours. but there's also the love that says i love you but you hurt me so it'll never really be the same again. there's love that says you have a place in my heart just not my life. those last two have to be the hardest. because with those types the love isn't lost just the person you fell in love with.
but thats why most marriages don't work. and i've seen this my entire life. they don't work because the people in it change but the marriage doesn't. a marriage that once encompassed two people who had given their hearts to each other now separately houses two hearts that cant understand that the heart they used to hold isn't what it used to be.
but if the relationship changes with the people. if we can learn to accept the fact that people are what they are and that people change. if we can all learn that you either need to accept people for who they are and love them for it or walk away if you can't. then maybe love has a chance of surviving.
we're running out of fresh water. maybe it's time for a few desalinization plants. that way all the water does is change.
i really think this may sound odd. im not sure if i typed it right or my point got across really well but here it is.
i miss kissing you
i miss kissing you
the way you held so close we were almost one
i wanted to be a part of you
i wanted you to be a part of me
my first great love
my first love
my first kiss was on your lips
the first time i held a hand that wasn't part of who i was
but later become the biggest part of who i am
the one
the only one
the only one that mattered
we weren't supposed to even happen
we weren't supposed to
we really weren't
you held my heart when it wasn't very big
you kinda stretched it out
like a really small sweater
the minute you touched me i fell in love
the hour you held me i was yours forever
you kissed my forehead and stomach quivered
i was never really sure unless
well unless it was about you
i'd never been so sure in my life
that i had finally found what no one else could
i'd finally found the one for me
and it felt so good
you never pushed
you never prodded
you never did
you held me and i was safe
my heart was never the same
i miss kissing you
the way you held so close we were almost one
i wanted to be a part of you
i wanted you to be a part of me
my first great love
my first love
my first kiss was on your lips
the first time i held a hand that wasn't part of who i was
but later become the biggest part of who i am
the one
the only one
the only one that mattered
we weren't supposed to even happen
we weren't supposed to
we really weren't
you held my heart when it wasn't very big
you kinda stretched it out
like a really small sweater
the minute you touched me i fell in love
the hour you held me i was yours forever
you kissed my forehead and stomach quivered
i was never really sure unless
well unless it was about you
i'd never been so sure in my life
that i had finally found what no one else could
i'd finally found the one for me
and it felt so good
you never pushed
you never prodded
you never did
you held me and i was safe
my heart was never the same
i miss kissing you
i dont know what to say to you...
If you want me
Let me know it
I'll make time but
You've got to show it
If you need me
I want to see
But don't mistake me
I don't want you down on your knees
these are my words...
i'm wild, crazy, rambunctious, overly sexual, a party girl, and a bunch of other things most people cant handle. but i'm also a caring, loving, great person, who takes life and the people in mine seriously. so when i think that someone in my life who i kinda sorta really care about may think im a bad person or if they think less of me it hurts me and i hate it and can't stand it. and i usually dont give a flying fuck what other people think of me but for some reason your opinion is important to me. and im sorry my behavior was unacceptable. i was totally in the wrong. im sorry so so so so so sorry. i hope you dont look at me any differently.
to be quite honest i cant get you out of my head...youre like one of the only people who just getting a text from them makes me so happy...one of the only guys i genuinely care about. i look at you and know that while you are already amazing that one day will be the standard for greatness and i want to be there to see it. never before have i had this odd strange comfortable connection to someone...not like this...and in feeling this i dont want to let it go. i feel as though im standing in front of you completely naked...as though when i look at you you are the only person in the room and i like it. i cant get you out of my head...i dont know if i really want you out of my head...im not sure that you should be running through my head right now and my thoughts...my first day awake and an anxiety attack is so on the way...lo
this is not a love letter...unless you want it to be...
i need
i strive
i thrive
i have to be
the person you want me to be
i need to be everything you want
i need to feel you kiss me again
i need to know if i felt anything
anything at all
because what i think i felt made my heart stop
and if it was that kiss
i need to know if your heart stopped too
or at least went pitter patter
i need to know that even though my body was nnumb
my lips could still feel
Let me know it
I'll make time but
You've got to show it
If you need me
I want to see
But don't mistake me
I don't want you down on your knees
these are my words...
i'm wild, crazy, rambunctious, overly sexual, a party girl, and a bunch of other things most people cant handle. but i'm also a caring, loving, great person, who takes life and the people in mine seriously. so when i think that someone in my life who i kinda sorta really care about may think im a bad person or if they think less of me it hurts me and i hate it and can't stand it. and i usually dont give a flying fuck what other people think of me but for some reason your opinion is important to me. and im sorry my behavior was unacceptable. i was totally in the wrong. im sorry so so so so so sorry. i hope you dont look at me any differently.
to be quite honest i cant get you out of my head...youre like one of the only people who just getting a text from them makes me so happy...one of the only guys i genuinely care about. i look at you and know that while you are already amazing that one day will be the standard for greatness and i want to be there to see it. never before have i had this odd strange comfortable connection to someone...not like this...and in feeling this i dont want to let it go. i feel as though im standing in front of you completely naked...as though when i look at you you are the only person in the room and i like it. i cant get you out of my head...i dont know if i really want you out of my head...im not sure that you should be running through my head right now and my thoughts...my first day awake and an anxiety attack is so on the way...lo
this is not a love letter...unless you want it to be...
i need
i strive
i thrive
i have to be
the person you want me to be
i need to be everything you want
i need to feel you kiss me again
i need to know if i felt anything
anything at all
because what i think i felt made my heart stop
and if it was that kiss
i need to know if your heart stopped too
or at least went pitter patter
i need to know that even though my body was nnumb
my lips could still feel
my deepest sentiments on love that only a couple have read
it's an amazing feat of the human spirit that we have some how devalued it and diminished it enough that we are able to convince ourselves that love doesn't exist.love is the only constant in our lives.it's just that most of the time the people we push away and distance ourselves from are one s that care about us the most.and sometimes we push away people that try to care because we are afraid of loving them with any part of us, because it makes us vulnerable. we all have our own quirks and pitfalls but people arent nearly as shitty as they seem. open your heart and let someone learn to love you, you difficult little cunt rag (j/k). but really open up your heart and learn to love someone else. its the best high ive ever felt. and maybe the trouble is worth it. it only exists if we choose to believe. it never dies only changes. it will always be real. and your belief can be restored but you have to want it to. believe in the people who say they love you. believe in them and yourself. please.
i know i was a total emo bitch before but love does exist...it all depends on whether or not you are willing to let go of your pride and not only love but let yourself be loved....when you fall for someone you shouldnt be scared to fall for them let yourself fall fast and hard and believe that they will catch you..because a true love wouldnt let you hit the ground...a true love will never hurt you...and yea love can die and i dont think it can be fully restored because a part of love is trust and most of the time when love dies its not the actual love its the trust that leaves...but yea love is real..and it feels beautiful..but the key is to let yourself love and be loved...because trust me someone wants to love you..but you have to be open to it and welcome it with, literally, open arms...love is part of what makes people happy. just be ready for it when it comes.
i know i was a total emo bitch before but love does exist...it all depends on whether or not you are willing to let go of your pride and not only love but let yourself be loved....when you fall for someone you shouldnt be scared to fall for them let yourself fall fast and hard and believe that they will catch you..because a true love wouldnt let you hit the ground...a true love will never hurt you...and yea love can die and i dont think it can be fully restored because a part of love is trust and most of the time when love dies its not the actual love its the trust that leaves...but yea love is real..and it feels beautiful..but the key is to let yourself love and be loved...because trust me someone wants to love you..but you have to be open to it and welcome it with, literally, open arms...love is part of what makes people happy. just be ready for it when it comes.
you said you'd never lie and i guess you didn't
i saw the way you held her
i saw how happy you were
and im not going to stand in the way
i put my heart out there for you to take and
instead you shoot it and
then light it on fire and watch it burn on the ground
you left me waiting
for a girl that you barely wanted to see to begin with
you left me waiting and wandering
like a hobo
with my heart just floating in front of me
waiting for you to reach out and grab it
i appreciate the time and money you've spent
but money and time i guess mean nothing
and neither does my heart
you left me
you left me
you left me you left me you left me
YOU left ME
and then want me to hold your hand and kiss you
after what
after you kiss her (it can only be assumed)
after the way you held her for the world to see
after you wrapped your arms around her
and engulfed her with your body and arms
you gave her the hug that says "this girl is mine"
i saw it i saw that other chick literally pull you off of her
i saw her having to make you aware of my existence
i am aware of what you have said about me
and only weeks before you told me how much i meant to you
and how much you like me
weeks before you used the "L" word
weeks before i fell head over heels
and you act like i'm blind
you act like you being that late alone wasn't enough
you waved goodbye to whoever else was with you two
you had to be pulled off of her
you said you'd never lie
but i guess you never said you wouldn't hurt me
so i guess i shouldn't be surprised
it doesn't count as a lie if you never said you wouldn't do something
i couldn't say that to you in the car
im not sure that i could have looked at you and said this
i just dont know yet
i saw how happy you were
and im not going to stand in the way
i put my heart out there for you to take and
instead you shoot it and
then light it on fire and watch it burn on the ground
you left me waiting
for a girl that you barely wanted to see to begin with
you left me waiting and wandering
like a hobo
with my heart just floating in front of me
waiting for you to reach out and grab it
i appreciate the time and money you've spent
but money and time i guess mean nothing
and neither does my heart
you left me
you left me
you left me you left me you left me
YOU left ME
and then want me to hold your hand and kiss you
after what
after you kiss her (it can only be assumed)
after the way you held her for the world to see
after you wrapped your arms around her
and engulfed her with your body and arms
you gave her the hug that says "this girl is mine"
i saw it i saw that other chick literally pull you off of her
i saw her having to make you aware of my existence
i am aware of what you have said about me
and only weeks before you told me how much i meant to you
and how much you like me
weeks before you used the "L" word
weeks before i fell head over heels
and you act like i'm blind
you act like you being that late alone wasn't enough
you waved goodbye to whoever else was with you two
you had to be pulled off of her
you said you'd never lie
but i guess you never said you wouldn't hurt me
so i guess i shouldn't be surprised
it doesn't count as a lie if you never said you wouldn't do something
i couldn't say that to you in the car
im not sure that i could have looked at you and said this
i just dont know yet
When mourning is too common for the spectacular
Part I:
I'm no longer in mourning
But I am regretting this morning
Waking up in the arms of a stranger
And knowing that my heart is in danger
Because you have lied and cheated and stolen
Because you have lied about your feelings
And cheated me out of your love
You have stolen my heart
And kept us apart
You were supposed to be my defense
You even accepted my retainer
But no services were rendered
The charges never dropped
All I can think of is how my spirit was popped
By the bars you've created
As I always say "I'm way too cute for prison"
And yet I've let you put me there
And I'm trapped
Trapped by your lies and deceit and thievery
And it's hard being on Death Row
With you as my executioner
My death will be slow
And more than likely painful.
Part II:
finally giving up the quest
for what she always dreamed of
because as it seems
the man of her dreams
is turning her into everything she wished she never was
the pain far out weighs the gain
he never has a cause
but forever he is hers
his life
his existence
his birth and his breath
are the reasons that she lives
his support
his maintenance
his lover and friend
are the reasons she breaths.
Part III:
everytime i think of your face
and those eyes that make my heart melt
and those ears that make me giggle and swoon
i remember that you
you were the one
that crushed my heart
and broke my spirit
that you
you were the one
the one that made me cry
and think it was me...
when in all reality
it was your lack of rhythm
and your nerves
and your dwindling physique
that made that day impossible and awkward
it was you
you that made lying next to him so hard
because even though i knew the truth
my broken heart would not accept your fare
nor would it exchange it for a bus card
and you cant even get a one day
you know the fun pass
that allows you anytime access
because you've lost your anytime access
this broken girl
the one that you broke
is done
is done being your doormat
is done being the girl that you once walked all over
call
don't
do
it doesn't matter
i'll always be able to find you
your location will never change
the upstairs room
to the left of the stairs
on the right side of the hallway
the upstairs room
to the right of the stairs
on the right side of the hallway
the upstairs room
directly across from the stairs
the place where the tears are
the place where they started
the place where you kicked and pushed
and beat and abused
until it could no longer be your home
i hope your next home is warm and safe
you and i
me and you
were the same
we WERE two people
dramatically hurt
vowing that we'd never do that to another
but you always lie
you lie cheat and steal
you deceive
you are fraudulent
you are the malicious kleptomaniac
you are a pathological liar
you are never honest with your actions
you are the one who takes without giving
you are the one who takes without caring
you are the one who gives nothing but lies
you are going no where
you are a liar with no hope
i honestly hope that one day you realize
you realize that you were loved
loved by someone who didn't have to
loved by someone who didn't need to
loved by someone who shouldn't have loved you at all
maybe one day
hopefully one day.
I'm no longer in mourning
But I am regretting this morning
Waking up in the arms of a stranger
And knowing that my heart is in danger
Because you have lied and cheated and stolen
Because you have lied about your feelings
And cheated me out of your love
You have stolen my heart
And kept us apart
You were supposed to be my defense
You even accepted my retainer
But no services were rendered
The charges never dropped
All I can think of is how my spirit was popped
By the bars you've created
As I always say "I'm way too cute for prison"
And yet I've let you put me there
And I'm trapped
Trapped by your lies and deceit and thievery
And it's hard being on Death Row
With you as my executioner
My death will be slow
And more than likely painful.
Part II:
finally giving up the quest
for what she always dreamed of
because as it seems
the man of her dreams
is turning her into everything she wished she never was
the pain far out weighs the gain
he never has a cause
but forever he is hers
his life
his existence
his birth and his breath
are the reasons that she lives
his support
his maintenance
his lover and friend
are the reasons she breaths.
Part III:
everytime i think of your face
and those eyes that make my heart melt
and those ears that make me giggle and swoon
i remember that you
you were the one
that crushed my heart
and broke my spirit
that you
you were the one
the one that made me cry
and think it was me...
when in all reality
it was your lack of rhythm
and your nerves
and your dwindling physique
that made that day impossible and awkward
it was you
you that made lying next to him so hard
because even though i knew the truth
my broken heart would not accept your fare
nor would it exchange it for a bus card
and you cant even get a one day
you know the fun pass
that allows you anytime access
because you've lost your anytime access
this broken girl
the one that you broke
is done
is done being your doormat
is done being the girl that you once walked all over
call
don't
do
it doesn't matter
i'll always be able to find you
your location will never change
the upstairs room
to the left of the stairs
on the right side of the hallway
the upstairs room
to the right of the stairs
on the right side of the hallway
the upstairs room
directly across from the stairs
the place where the tears are
the place where they started
the place where you kicked and pushed
and beat and abused
until it could no longer be your home
i hope your next home is warm and safe
you and i
me and you
were the same
we WERE two people
dramatically hurt
vowing that we'd never do that to another
but you always lie
you lie cheat and steal
you deceive
you are fraudulent
you are the malicious kleptomaniac
you are a pathological liar
you are never honest with your actions
you are the one who takes without giving
you are the one who takes without caring
you are the one who gives nothing but lies
you are going no where
you are a liar with no hope
i honestly hope that one day you realize
you realize that you were loved
loved by someone who didn't have to
loved by someone who didn't need to
loved by someone who shouldn't have loved you at all
maybe one day
hopefully one day.
you're a dumb ho and so is your boy
you did just that
you broke me and crushed my heart
in fact you suck
you are amazingly horrible
but every ounce of me still loves you
and i was dying to say that to you
when i saw your crazy hair
and the passion in your eyes
and then even more when you left my gaze hanging in the rafters like a suicidal co-ed during finals week
i begged you rose to never let go and you did
and you let the necklace go too
you dumb ho
and yes you are a dumb ho
you make me so mad
you dumb ho
you dumb ho
i only contain love for you
like my dad's tupperware
all stacked up in the icebox where my heart used to be
until you broke it
and how you broke it only you and i know
but it wasn't ever you it was your best friend
and he can suck a dick
cuz hes a dumb ho too
and he used to smell my hair
and tell me i was beautiful
but you never thought that maybe i loved you too much to ever stop thinking about you
and that his words were the words of desperate man
whos girlfriend who wore my perfume had just cheated on him
and that he liked the way i smelled because he secretly wanted you to feel what he felt right then
misery loves company
and i know hes your boy and all
but hes an even dumber ho than you
maybe its even cuz you believed him over the girl who had given you her heart two years prior
she slipped into your pocket like the bk king when hes giving people their money back
i never tried to take anything from you but your heart
and just to keep it safe
because i never wanted anything to be able to touch it
and i protected mine so well until you came along that i was sure i could do the same for yours
but youre a dumb ho
and so is he
he may be your boy but hes a dumb ho too
you broke me and crushed my heart
in fact you suck
you are amazingly horrible
but every ounce of me still loves you
and i was dying to say that to you
when i saw your crazy hair
and the passion in your eyes
and then even more when you left my gaze hanging in the rafters like a suicidal co-ed during finals week
i begged you rose to never let go and you did
and you let the necklace go too
you dumb ho
and yes you are a dumb ho
you make me so mad
you dumb ho
you dumb ho
i only contain love for you
like my dad's tupperware
all stacked up in the icebox where my heart used to be
until you broke it
and how you broke it only you and i know
but it wasn't ever you it was your best friend
and he can suck a dick
cuz hes a dumb ho too
and he used to smell my hair
and tell me i was beautiful
but you never thought that maybe i loved you too much to ever stop thinking about you
and that his words were the words of desperate man
whos girlfriend who wore my perfume had just cheated on him
and that he liked the way i smelled because he secretly wanted you to feel what he felt right then
misery loves company
and i know hes your boy and all
but hes an even dumber ho than you
maybe its even cuz you believed him over the girl who had given you her heart two years prior
she slipped into your pocket like the bk king when hes giving people their money back
i never tried to take anything from you but your heart
and just to keep it safe
because i never wanted anything to be able to touch it
and i protected mine so well until you came along that i was sure i could do the same for yours
but youre a dumb ho
and so is he
he may be your boy but hes a dumb ho too
writing poems about facebook mobile while listing to the saddest playlist i've ever created for educational purposes
eventually
maybe one day
sooner or later
i'll reach a point of indifference
when the words to ashanti's the way i loved you will no longer affect my heart and make me think of you
when the mere thought of the song is anybody listening will no longer make me think of how despite the awesomeness of this omelet, and the oj and hashbrowns
the toast you burnt couldnt do anything but make this the breakfast worst ever
i mean come on burnt toast never made breakfast any better
right?
someday
its on the horizon
i swear its coming
i swear the end is near
the end of cold nights remembering what it was like when we had a perfect breakfast
when you held me the only way you knew how
close to your heart
and how
maybe
you remember
when i sat on your lap and held your head close to my heart
because normally you tower above me
just the way i like it
and because normally there is no way for you to be near my heart
but this wasn't a normal summer
the toast was never perfect
and no one got the words just right
no ones toast was perfect
no one quite got the words right
but now im writing this from my laptop listening to songs that at first just made me remember you
and now they make me remember your touch
and crave it
and fiend for it
and remember how your skin felt touching mine
and now im writing this crap from my laptop
listening to the saddest playlist i ever made for educational purposes
thinking of you
and how you looked at me today
and thinking of how you texted me the other day
with false hope and love
and even happy sad songs make me want to cry for the heart i lost and as many times as ive tried to stop wiriting this lame thing
but i cant
i cant stop writing about how much you broke my heart
and crushed me
mostly
if not all
maybe one day
sooner or later
i'll reach a point of indifference
when the words to ashanti's the way i loved you will no longer affect my heart and make me think of you
when the mere thought of the song is anybody listening will no longer make me think of how despite the awesomeness of this omelet, and the oj and hashbrowns
the toast you burnt couldnt do anything but make this the breakfast worst ever
i mean come on burnt toast never made breakfast any better
right?
someday
its on the horizon
i swear its coming
i swear the end is near
the end of cold nights remembering what it was like when we had a perfect breakfast
when you held me the only way you knew how
close to your heart
and how
maybe
you remember
when i sat on your lap and held your head close to my heart
because normally you tower above me
just the way i like it
and because normally there is no way for you to be near my heart
but this wasn't a normal summer
the toast was never perfect
and no one got the words just right
no ones toast was perfect
no one quite got the words right
but now im writing this from my laptop listening to songs that at first just made me remember you
and now they make me remember your touch
and crave it
and fiend for it
and remember how your skin felt touching mine
and now im writing this crap from my laptop
listening to the saddest playlist i ever made for educational purposes
thinking of you
and how you looked at me today
and thinking of how you texted me the other day
with false hope and love
and even happy sad songs make me want to cry for the heart i lost and as many times as ive tried to stop wiriting this lame thing
but i cant
i cant stop writing about how much you broke my heart
and crushed me
mostly
if not all
Uploaded via Facebook Mobile
so i wrote this long ass note
on my crackberry
i mean my blackberry
i mean the tool derived from a cellular telephone
i mean the thing that allows me to display my feelings for the world to see
I mean the device that gets signal even on the blue line
I mean the device that puts me into my own world
the device that when properly assisted by my iPod
allows me to ignore you while staring you in the eyes
so just then i had my earphones in
and i was thinking about you
and i was writing the above poems
and i was listening to the saddest songs i had on my iPod
to force myself to cry for you
so that i didnt have to hold it in anymore
and i changed my status too
and sent a few text messages to people
people who are extremely important to me
people who love me
people who care
people who hand you tissues they have had in the bottom of their purses for only God knows how long
and they hand them to you because can hear the tears hit your cheeks somewhere between chicago and grand
because you had to get the tears out of you or else you would explode
but i cant even figure out why they are there to begin with
i guess because i can add you to the very Very VERY short list of men ive loved
of men ive given my heart to
of men you have had all of me without having ALL of me
so this blackberry of mine
it has a picture of my nephew on it
as the background
the one guy who never lets me down...well other than my daddy
but from division to 106th and normal
from my heart to my hands to your laptops and desktops
i send you my rantings uploaded via facebook mobile
on my crackberry
i mean my blackberry
i mean the tool derived from a cellular telephone
i mean the thing that allows me to display my feelings for the world to see
I mean the device that gets signal even on the blue line
I mean the device that puts me into my own world
the device that when properly assisted by my iPod
allows me to ignore you while staring you in the eyes
so just then i had my earphones in
and i was thinking about you
and i was writing the above poems
and i was listening to the saddest songs i had on my iPod
to force myself to cry for you
so that i didnt have to hold it in anymore
and i changed my status too
and sent a few text messages to people
people who are extremely important to me
people who love me
people who care
people who hand you tissues they have had in the bottom of their purses for only God knows how long
and they hand them to you because can hear the tears hit your cheeks somewhere between chicago and grand
because you had to get the tears out of you or else you would explode
but i cant even figure out why they are there to begin with
i guess because i can add you to the very Very VERY short list of men ive loved
of men ive given my heart to
of men you have had all of me without having ALL of me
so this blackberry of mine
it has a picture of my nephew on it
as the background
the one guy who never lets me down...well other than my daddy
but from division to 106th and normal
from my heart to my hands to your laptops and desktops
i send you my rantings uploaded via facebook mobile
Your empty graveyard
I mourned my loss
And for a while I mourned yours as well
But lately I've been mourning my broken heart
The heart I saved for you
The heart I took from others and put into a high yield savings bond just for you
I developed a trust fund to support you
To support your body and soul
And heart
When I myself could no longer do it for you
My heart broke for you
I broke for you
And you let me
You let me fall
You let me break
And as of late you are the only reason that my heart tears in two
You are the only reason that that tear is squared an infinite number of times
Because two years of adding you to me in my head was no preparation
No preparation at all for the day of the exam when
I had to add you to me and then subtract you and divide my heart by two and square the quotient
And then square it again
You square that obscene number until no number for that amount exists
And at that point you may then realize what you did truly did to me
Two years in a high yield savings bond leaves quite a lot to be acquired
But when you withdrew the entire lump sum
It closed your account
So when you tried to put it all back there was no where to put it
You smashed the piggy bank
You smashed it to get what was inside
And I guess its my fault for letting you do it
But I never thought you would
And maybe all you need
And maybe all I needed
And maybe all we needed was a money management seminar
But those always seem to come too late
And for a while I mourned yours as well
But lately I've been mourning my broken heart
The heart I saved for you
The heart I took from others and put into a high yield savings bond just for you
I developed a trust fund to support you
To support your body and soul
And heart
When I myself could no longer do it for you
My heart broke for you
I broke for you
And you let me
You let me fall
You let me break
And as of late you are the only reason that my heart tears in two
You are the only reason that that tear is squared an infinite number of times
Because two years of adding you to me in my head was no preparation
No preparation at all for the day of the exam when
I had to add you to me and then subtract you and divide my heart by two and square the quotient
And then square it again
You square that obscene number until no number for that amount exists
And at that point you may then realize what you did truly did to me
Two years in a high yield savings bond leaves quite a lot to be acquired
But when you withdrew the entire lump sum
It closed your account
So when you tried to put it all back there was no where to put it
You smashed the piggy bank
You smashed it to get what was inside
And I guess its my fault for letting you do it
But I never thought you would
And maybe all you need
And maybe all I needed
And maybe all we needed was a money management seminar
But those always seem to come too late
Salty Sunshine
I know the tears wont bring you back but sometimes its best to mourn
but for this long
im sorry i didnt tell you all i wanted to say
And my broken heart misses you
And I can take the rain on the roof
But I can't take you looking me in eyes and ignoring my pain
And knowing that you broke my heart
And I can take crying over you
But I can't take crying for this long
And a two year crush finally come to bloom
And then winter in july is some freak of nature crap
I thought el nino was supposed to warm the earth and thaw your heart
But the ice age hit and no amount of my sunshine could help prevent the extinction
And all the nights I prayed
To something I wasn't even sure was there
In dying hopes that you would come walking into my arms
Apologetic and a lil ashamed
And each night that that never happened and each night that the wreckage was never cleared from the highway
It was instead torn through by distant onlookers and big rigs that never knew of the people that died there
Or the ones that were reborn
No one knew anything of the hearts and lives of families destroyed
All they could say was "dang that looks bad"
And as you drove by it hurt the lost souls of broken hearts and spirits that you turned your head and never thought of the person you broke
but for this long
im sorry i didnt tell you all i wanted to say
And my broken heart misses you
And I can take the rain on the roof
But I can't take you looking me in eyes and ignoring my pain
And knowing that you broke my heart
And I can take crying over you
But I can't take crying for this long
And a two year crush finally come to bloom
And then winter in july is some freak of nature crap
I thought el nino was supposed to warm the earth and thaw your heart
But the ice age hit and no amount of my sunshine could help prevent the extinction
And all the nights I prayed
To something I wasn't even sure was there
In dying hopes that you would come walking into my arms
Apologetic and a lil ashamed
And each night that that never happened and each night that the wreckage was never cleared from the highway
It was instead torn through by distant onlookers and big rigs that never knew of the people that died there
Or the ones that were reborn
No one knew anything of the hearts and lives of families destroyed
All they could say was "dang that looks bad"
And as you drove by it hurt the lost souls of broken hearts and spirits that you turned your head and never thought of the person you broke
Burnt Toast Never Made Breakfast Any Better
two years
i loved you
i loved you from afar
i loved you when i was supposed to love another
two years
two years i loved
from within my own personal four walls
because you were never my type
or good enough for me
or the man i should love
you weren't the all-star
or the champ
but you were my love
two years
two years i loved you
i loved the thc and the cfc's
i loved the barley grains
i loved who you were
i loved how your heart beat
and i never could tell
untill now
whether it beat a morse code for me
whether it beat out your true love for me
whether it beat the passionate musings of an artist disturbed
or the mistrusting nothings of a man disrupted
but i guess it was the thc and the cfc's
and the barley grains that it beat for
i believed that you could be better
i believed that you were amazing
i believed that you
you could love more than you imagined
i loved you
two years i loved you
i loved you
and everything you were
i loved the heart
i loved the heart that i unsurely spoke to with my own
i loved the heart that could love so much
and yet trust so little
two years
i loved
two years it was you
and not the one i pledged my heart to
and in those intimate moments
it was your heart i dreamed of
it was you and your smile
it was you and your words
it was you and your gentle touch
it was you
you
you that i loved so intensely
so defiantly
it was you
you that i loved so relentlessly
it was you
it was you that i gave myself to freely because i trusted you
it was you
it was the thc and the cfc's
and the barley grains
that i loved
because thats all you were
and now i realize that you
that you
that you are now the man i knew you could be
that you are now the man that is worthy of me
that you are now the man that i believed was there
when no one else did
your heart now beats out your love for another
while in those intimate moments i still think of you
i still dream of your heart
i still dream of your touch and your kiss
because it wasnt just the thc and the cfc's
and the barley grains that i loved
it was the man they inhabited
i loved you
i loved you from afar
i loved you when i was supposed to love another
two years
two years i loved
from within my own personal four walls
because you were never my type
or good enough for me
or the man i should love
you weren't the all-star
or the champ
but you were my love
two years
two years i loved you
i loved the thc and the cfc's
i loved the barley grains
i loved who you were
i loved how your heart beat
and i never could tell
untill now
whether it beat a morse code for me
whether it beat out your true love for me
whether it beat the passionate musings of an artist disturbed
or the mistrusting nothings of a man disrupted
but i guess it was the thc and the cfc's
and the barley grains that it beat for
i believed that you could be better
i believed that you were amazing
i believed that you
you could love more than you imagined
i loved you
two years i loved you
i loved you
and everything you were
i loved the heart
i loved the heart that i unsurely spoke to with my own
i loved the heart that could love so much
and yet trust so little
two years
i loved
two years it was you
and not the one i pledged my heart to
and in those intimate moments
it was your heart i dreamed of
it was you and your smile
it was you and your words
it was you and your gentle touch
it was you
you
you that i loved so intensely
so defiantly
it was you
you that i loved so relentlessly
it was you
it was you that i gave myself to freely because i trusted you
it was you
it was the thc and the cfc's
and the barley grains
that i loved
because thats all you were
and now i realize that you
that you
that you are now the man i knew you could be
that you are now the man that is worthy of me
that you are now the man that i believed was there
when no one else did
your heart now beats out your love for another
while in those intimate moments i still think of you
i still dream of your heart
i still dream of your touch and your kiss
because it wasnt just the thc and the cfc's
and the barley grains that i loved
it was the man they inhabited
Yo Chick is a Ho
I told you that chick was a ho
I told you that chick was a skank
And a skeezer
And a slut
I told you that I needed you
And you let me cry
You let me live a cliche
You let me cry in the rain
And you let me fall
like ashes
Ashes of people made to face a mushroom
A mushroom even you couldn't handle
The only mushroom that could extinguish my love for you
So russia was our house
And chernobyl is our bed
I wanted you inside me
I wanted you to slip yourself inside of me
And fill me with who you really are
Your DNA
Your heart fits inside mine
Like cute feet in the perfect stiletto
You promised me your love
You promised me your heart
You promised me your soul
You broke every promise you ever made to me
You called me crazy
You told me I was out of control
You told me that I was too much
Because you
You
You couldn't handle it
You couldn't believe that someone truly wanted you
You couldn't believe that was strong enough to catch you when you fell
You were a bear
You were my bear
You were my teddy bear
You were the man that held my waist
The man that held my heart
And I told you
That you were
That you were greater than even you knew
That you could be better than this
That you in fact are better than this
And you sent me away
And traded me in
For the girl I told you was a slut
And when was the last time you knew me to be wrong
I told you that chick was a skank
And a skeezer
And a slut
I told you that I needed you
And you let me cry
You let me live a cliche
You let me cry in the rain
And you let me fall
like ashes
Ashes of people made to face a mushroom
A mushroom even you couldn't handle
The only mushroom that could extinguish my love for you
So russia was our house
And chernobyl is our bed
I wanted you inside me
I wanted you to slip yourself inside of me
And fill me with who you really are
Your DNA
Your heart fits inside mine
Like cute feet in the perfect stiletto
You promised me your love
You promised me your heart
You promised me your soul
You broke every promise you ever made to me
You called me crazy
You told me I was out of control
You told me that I was too much
Because you
You
You couldn't handle it
You couldn't believe that someone truly wanted you
You couldn't believe that was strong enough to catch you when you fell
You were a bear
You were my bear
You were my teddy bear
You were the man that held my waist
The man that held my heart
And I told you
That you were
That you were greater than even you knew
That you could be better than this
That you in fact are better than this
And you sent me away
And traded me in
For the girl I told you was a slut
And when was the last time you knew me to be wrong
Childhood Games
from hide and go seek
to diddy kong racing
the cards were clean
but the cartridges needed to be blown
when i fit in the dryer
and you under the couch
biking through the woods
and taunting the pig farm man
finally double digits when the world was ending
the summer of refuge
the kind of refuge that you hide in
you stow away and take a trip
a trip to places youve been or seen or dreamed of
we played
everything from hide and go seek
to paper mario
i hid
i hid under the bed and you found me
i hid in the closet and you found me
i hid under you and you found me
my innocence
my beauty
my heart
my soul
you found the pieces of me that i hadn't begun to look for
yet
and when i finished counting
there was no one left
no one left to find
no one left to search for
i searched a barren field
for the pieces you'd stolen and hidden
the pieces that you had destroyed
as i hid under the bed
i tried to guess who
i tried to say uno
i tried to scream jenga
i yelled marco
and no one answered
we played hide and go seek
i used to hide in the dryer
when i fit
you used to hide under the couch
when you fit
but now
i hide in myself
when i find a way to fit
because when i was counting
thats where you tried to fit
i tried to hide in the carpet
but i never did fit there
and the guilt i felt for never finding you
is overwhelming
consuming
and distracting
i looked everywhere
the woods
the game room
my heart
his belt
your first notch was not his last
the slashes in your soul
became the slashes on your knees
and the bruises on your hands
the holes in your heart
became the holes in your eyes
and the field where you hid was obscure and desolate
you left me
you left me there laying on the floor
with nothing more than the physical
you left me in the dryer to burn
you left me
in a field to never be found again
the childhoods games we played contained no soul
the childhood games you played contained no taste
and no all i can do is hide inside myself
to diddy kong racing
the cards were clean
but the cartridges needed to be blown
when i fit in the dryer
and you under the couch
biking through the woods
and taunting the pig farm man
finally double digits when the world was ending
the summer of refuge
the kind of refuge that you hide in
you stow away and take a trip
a trip to places youve been or seen or dreamed of
we played
everything from hide and go seek
to paper mario
i hid
i hid under the bed and you found me
i hid in the closet and you found me
i hid under you and you found me
my innocence
my beauty
my heart
my soul
you found the pieces of me that i hadn't begun to look for
yet
and when i finished counting
there was no one left
no one left to find
no one left to search for
i searched a barren field
for the pieces you'd stolen and hidden
the pieces that you had destroyed
as i hid under the bed
i tried to guess who
i tried to say uno
i tried to scream jenga
i yelled marco
and no one answered
we played hide and go seek
i used to hide in the dryer
when i fit
you used to hide under the couch
when you fit
but now
i hide in myself
when i find a way to fit
because when i was counting
thats where you tried to fit
i tried to hide in the carpet
but i never did fit there
and the guilt i felt for never finding you
is overwhelming
consuming
and distracting
i looked everywhere
the woods
the game room
my heart
his belt
your first notch was not his last
the slashes in your soul
became the slashes on your knees
and the bruises on your hands
the holes in your heart
became the holes in your eyes
and the field where you hid was obscure and desolate
you left me
you left me there laying on the floor
with nothing more than the physical
you left me in the dryer to burn
you left me
in a field to never be found again
the childhoods games we played contained no soul
the childhood games you played contained no taste
and no all i can do is hide inside myself
Where do you hide when you have no where to go?
and i hold it all in
i hold it in
and i hold on untill
the moment that
when i close my eyes i see your face
the face that killed me inside
the face that i trusted
the face i relied on
the face that killed my soul
i see you when i close my eyes
and i cant sleep
i cant sleep
because i feel your eyes
looking at me
staring at me
not like im a little girl but like
like im just something for you to use
to take
to throw away
to break
i trusted you
i needed you
i depended on you to keep me safe
and you left me there
alone
behind a door
on the floor
while you used her
i hid
i hid from you and her
and i hid from the guilt
i hid in the blade
i hid in the pills
and the bottle
i couldnt bleed enough to get rid of the nightmares
i never tripped enough to make you go away
the blackout never erased the memories of her face
of your face
they were burned into my memories
like the scars on my arms
you cut my heart
and now i cant sleep
i cant sleep
because all i see is your face
and those eyes
they peer at me in my dazed state
where all i see
all i can relive
and they say we cant relive
all we can do is remember
but as i relieve those moments
i feel it again
i feel the cool blade against my skin
i feel the pills in my throat
i feel the liquor in my stomach
i feel you
i feel my soul disappearing
and the trust is fleeting
while my heart breaks
and all my dreams are replaced with your face
and i just
cant
sleep
i hold it in
and i hold on untill
the moment that
when i close my eyes i see your face
the face that killed me inside
the face that i trusted
the face i relied on
the face that killed my soul
i see you when i close my eyes
and i cant sleep
i cant sleep
because i feel your eyes
looking at me
staring at me
not like im a little girl but like
like im just something for you to use
to take
to throw away
to break
i trusted you
i needed you
i depended on you to keep me safe
and you left me there
alone
behind a door
on the floor
while you used her
i hid
i hid from you and her
and i hid from the guilt
i hid in the blade
i hid in the pills
and the bottle
i couldnt bleed enough to get rid of the nightmares
i never tripped enough to make you go away
the blackout never erased the memories of her face
of your face
they were burned into my memories
like the scars on my arms
you cut my heart
and now i cant sleep
i cant sleep
because all i see is your face
and those eyes
they peer at me in my dazed state
where all i see
all i can relive
and they say we cant relive
all we can do is remember
but as i relieve those moments
i feel it again
i feel the cool blade against my skin
i feel the pills in my throat
i feel the liquor in my stomach
i feel you
i feel my soul disappearing
and the trust is fleeting
while my heart breaks
and all my dreams are replaced with your face
and i just
cant
sleep
its lonely in this sad cold bed
i lay alone in this bed
you never held
you never kissed my forehead
i feel hollow
and alone
you never held
you never kissed my forehead
i feel hollow
and alone
my love
the love i give to you
was developed during my formative years
it was created under red light
special because its
crazy
sexy
and cool
it was formulated on blackstreets
that were forever only ours
this love that i give to you
is made of
honey
butterflies
and rainbows surrounded by daydreams
of us together
a vision of a someday in which
id find my dreamlover
with those enchanting brown eyes
and now i get lonely
when i imagine a life without you by my side
holding me tight
we live a love that is strictly 90's r&b
you love a heart that beats n'sync with yours
one that craves you just one more time
a heart that knows you are one in a million
and a mind that tells me to try again
because you really are that somebody
baby
baby
baby
is what we call each other
special pet names not needed
because everything we need to say
can be said in that one word
i call you baby
because i love you
i call you baby
because i need you
i call you baby
because you are my everything
and i get so lonely
because i couldnt let just anyone love me
and i learned through you
that the best things in life are free
you hold me
and we sway to the slow grooves of our generation
we're 90's kids
we're 90's lovers
we lived it
we loved it
we live this love
we live a love that was created for the soul purpose
for the soul
for the soul purpose of creating a life
a life outside our own
i never wanted a pony so much as right now
i never wanted you to have a jeep so much as right now
i want no one but you
and only you can ease my fears of decade coming to a close
you hold my hand as we cross the threshold
of a childhood gone by
that made us who we are
that made us what we are
that taught us how to love
a decade
we're 90's babies
we're 90's lovers
this 90's love is one i'll never let go
was developed during my formative years
it was created under red light
special because its
crazy
sexy
and cool
it was formulated on blackstreets
that were forever only ours
this love that i give to you
is made of
honey
butterflies
and rainbows surrounded by daydreams
of us together
a vision of a someday in which
id find my dreamlover
with those enchanting brown eyes
and now i get lonely
when i imagine a life without you by my side
holding me tight
we live a love that is strictly 90's r&b
you love a heart that beats n'sync with yours
one that craves you just one more time
a heart that knows you are one in a million
and a mind that tells me to try again
because you really are that somebody
baby
baby
baby
is what we call each other
special pet names not needed
because everything we need to say
can be said in that one word
i call you baby
because i love you
i call you baby
because i need you
i call you baby
because you are my everything
and i get so lonely
because i couldnt let just anyone love me
and i learned through you
that the best things in life are free
you hold me
and we sway to the slow grooves of our generation
we're 90's kids
we're 90's lovers
we lived it
we loved it
we live this love
we live a love that was created for the soul purpose
for the soul
for the soul purpose of creating a life
a life outside our own
i never wanted a pony so much as right now
i never wanted you to have a jeep so much as right now
i want no one but you
and only you can ease my fears of decade coming to a close
you hold my hand as we cross the threshold
of a childhood gone by
that made us who we are
that made us what we are
that taught us how to love
a decade
we're 90's babies
we're 90's lovers
this 90's love is one i'll never let go
how do i love you when you wont let me?
can i love you?
can i love who you are right now
and still love the person you will be tomorrow
you are a true test of patience
you are a true test of old adages
i tried to keep you
i really did
but now i guess
i really have to let you go
and watch your steps from far behind
i want to tell you
which slants are loose
and which are missing
(so that you never fall
and this may sound selfish
but i cant)
i want you to fall
i want you to fall so that i can be the one to catch you
so that maybe you can see that you can trust me again
so you can see that everything ive given you is everything i have
the only thing left
is the tears i shed whenever i hear your name
and as they fall from my eyes they land on my heart
which dances perilously on the edge of your soul
waiting for you to fall so that it can break
but i love you
i love you more than ive ever loved before
you made me better
you made me try
you made me want to be something no one else ever has
an honest woman
an honest woman
i love you
and this
will never stop
can i love who you are right now
and still love the person you will be tomorrow
you are a true test of patience
you are a true test of old adages
i tried to keep you
i really did
but now i guess
i really have to let you go
and watch your steps from far behind
i want to tell you
which slants are loose
and which are missing
(so that you never fall
and this may sound selfish
but i cant)
i want you to fall
i want you to fall so that i can be the one to catch you
so that maybe you can see that you can trust me again
so you can see that everything ive given you is everything i have
the only thing left
is the tears i shed whenever i hear your name
and as they fall from my eyes they land on my heart
which dances perilously on the edge of your soul
waiting for you to fall so that it can break
but i love you
i love you more than ive ever loved before
you made me better
you made me try
you made me want to be something no one else ever has
an honest woman
an honest woman
i love you
and this
will never stop
i love you
id ask for you hand
but i know youd give me your foot
and at one point i was mad at you
but now all i can do is cry
because id ask for your hand
but i know you give me your foot
and i respect the decision you made
but when you said you wanted me
all i had left to give you
was the physical
all i had left to give you
was the part of me youd never had a chance to explore
because you have my heart in your hand
because you have navigated my soul
because you have blazed a trail
around the cape
and somehow managed to be the first settler
the map i was about to give you
you refused
you refused it
and that only made me love you more
and sadly enough (it garnered trust)
now im not sure if you know this
but i hope that now
you will realize
what you are to me
you are the love of my life
the man in my eyes has no flaws
because the flaws are simply mistakes
and the mistakes are simply-----
fixable glitches
and i find those so easily
almost as easily as finding an ant in the milky way
as easily as finding my heart in my chest
now i know you could love me
because i love you
you have my heart which i know is capable
yours is hard
yours is ice
yours has no doors or windows
only a peep hole
that goes in the wrong direction
and i looked through that peep hole
and i saw everything i ever dreamed of
i saw my future
i saw
i saw
i saw everything i ever wanted or needed
i saw the love that i had been searching for my entire life
and i know
i know
i know that convincing you
will be slightly harder than convincing my mom that those clothes are necessary
it'll be harder than getting my daddy to tell me he loves me
it'll be harder than getting you to look at me
and all i want
is to see those eyes again
is to see them shine with that light that manages to escape the peep hole
baby i love you
and i just managed to to say that to a living person
but baby
but man
but hey you
i love you more than you will ever know
and i will forever be right here waiting on you
waiting on to come around like they say you will
i would ask for you hand
but i know you'd only give me back my heart
and i love you
but i know youd give me your foot
and at one point i was mad at you
but now all i can do is cry
because id ask for your hand
but i know you give me your foot
and i respect the decision you made
but when you said you wanted me
all i had left to give you
was the physical
all i had left to give you
was the part of me youd never had a chance to explore
because you have my heart in your hand
because you have navigated my soul
because you have blazed a trail
around the cape
and somehow managed to be the first settler
the map i was about to give you
you refused
you refused it
and that only made me love you more
and sadly enough (it garnered trust)
now im not sure if you know this
but i hope that now
you will realize
what you are to me
you are the love of my life
the man in my eyes has no flaws
because the flaws are simply mistakes
and the mistakes are simply-----
fixable glitches
and i find those so easily
almost as easily as finding an ant in the milky way
as easily as finding my heart in my chest
now i know you could love me
because i love you
you have my heart which i know is capable
yours is hard
yours is ice
yours has no doors or windows
only a peep hole
that goes in the wrong direction
and i looked through that peep hole
and i saw everything i ever dreamed of
i saw my future
i saw
i saw
i saw everything i ever wanted or needed
i saw the love that i had been searching for my entire life
and i know
i know
i know that convincing you
will be slightly harder than convincing my mom that those clothes are necessary
it'll be harder than getting my daddy to tell me he loves me
it'll be harder than getting you to look at me
and all i want
is to see those eyes again
is to see them shine with that light that manages to escape the peep hole
baby i love you
and i just managed to to say that to a living person
but baby
but man
but hey you
i love you more than you will ever know
and i will forever be right here waiting on you
waiting on to come around like they say you will
i would ask for you hand
but i know you'd only give me back my heart
and i love you
The HEART of who I am as a woman
As he
Caresses my
(breath)THIGHS
As he
Kisses my
(breath)LIPS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Grasps my
(breath)HANDS
As he
Kisses my
(breath)THIGHS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Looks into my
deep(breath)brown EYES
As he
Lays
(breath)on top of me
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Slides
(breath)Inside me
As I
LOOK
(breath)Into HIS deep brown EYES
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As we
Melt
(breath)TOGETHER
All I can do
Is
(breath)ENJOY the way he
(breath)SMELLS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As I
Dig into
(breath)the soft skin on his BACK
As he
Rubs
(breath)My supple BREASTS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
And even
NOW
As I
Hold
(breath)My BABY
In my arms
I look around
And realize that
He has taken me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
But as he cries in my arms
I realize that I am holding the heart of who I am as a woman.
And I realize that
The HEART of who I am as a woman
As he
Caresses my
(breath)THIGHS
As he
Kisses my
(breath)LIPS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Grasps my
(breath)HANDS
As he
Kisses my
(breath)THIGHS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Looks into my
deep(breath)brown EYES
As he
Lays
(breath)on top of me
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Slides
(breath)Inside me
As I
LOOK
(breath)Into HIS deep brown EYES
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As we
Melt
(breath)TOGETHER
All I can do
Is
(breath)ENJOY the way he
(breath)SMELLS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As I
Dig into
(breath)the soft skin on his BACK
As he
Rubs
(breath)My supple BREASTS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
And even
NOW
As I
Hold
(breath)My BABY
In my arms
I look around
And realize that
He has taken me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
But as he cries in my arms
I realize that I am holding the heart of who I am as a woman.
And I realize that
He has taken me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
Caresses my
(breath)THIGHS
As he
Kisses my
(breath)LIPS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Grasps my
(breath)HANDS
As he
Kisses my
(breath)THIGHS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Looks into my
deep(breath)brown EYES
As he
Lays
(breath)on top of me
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Slides
(breath)Inside me
As I
LOOK
(breath)Into HIS deep brown EYES
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As we
Melt
(breath)TOGETHER
All I can do
Is
(breath)ENJOY the way he
(breath)SMELLS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As I
Dig into
(breath)the soft skin on his BACK
As he
Rubs
(breath)My supple BREASTS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
And even
NOW
As I
Hold
(breath)My BABY
In my arms
I look around
And realize that
He has taken me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
But as he cries in my arms
I realize that I am holding the heart of who I am as a woman.
And I realize that
The HEART of who I am as a woman
As he
Caresses my
(breath)THIGHS
As he
Kisses my
(breath)LIPS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Grasps my
(breath)HANDS
As he
Kisses my
(breath)THIGHS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Looks into my
deep(breath)brown EYES
As he
Lays
(breath)on top of me
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As he
Slides
(breath)Inside me
As I
LOOK
(breath)Into HIS deep brown EYES
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As we
Melt
(breath)TOGETHER
All I can do
Is
(breath)ENJOY the way he
(breath)SMELLS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
As I
Dig into
(breath)the soft skin on his BACK
As he
Rubs
(breath)My supple BREASTS
He takes me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
And even
NOW
As I
Hold
(breath)My BABY
In my arms
I look around
And realize that
He has taken me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
But as he cries in my arms
I realize that I am holding the heart of who I am as a woman.
And I realize that
He has taken me closer to the heart of
(breath)Who I am as a woman
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