About Friday sorry that I dipped out a couple times. Sorry if you were worried and wondering where I went. ummm...Sometimes I do that. Sometimes its this unshakable feeling of needing to run. Really far away. By myself. And alot of times I do it without telling anyone. I guess I'm still used to doing for myself and by myself, not really having to answer to anyone. So, I'm sorry for that stuff.
I feel like I have so much to get off of my chest but I feel like it might offend someone and I dont want to do that but I may have to.
I'm not dumb. I'm not stupid. I'm not blind or deaf. I'm not oblivious and I don't live in a fantasy world where everything is sugar and rainbows. But you are dumb if you think I don't see or hear the shit you do and say. And frankly it's getting to be tiresome. i have been nothing but nice to you people and all I get in return is dirty looks, snide comments (that, by the way, only an idiot would think discreet and above detection). And it's making me mad. I really dont get it. Why hate me? because someone told you to? because someone makes up shit to help themselves feel better so you blindly believe and follow their teachings because you have no religion? or is it because you have no courage to stand up and say that something is wrong? I, personally, think that it is all of the above. You people should focus on your own hardships or are you all lying in your brilliant master pieces about how you are going through this hardship and that hardship and therefore are living such perfect lives that you have time to focus on me and try and belittle me and break my spirit. Well I'll never be broken try as hard as you want. But I'm still going to have a smile on my face and I'm still going to be a good person, daughter, friend, etc. Nothing I've been through thus far has broken me. And contry to poular belief I have been through shit but it has NEVER broken me. Maybe detained me a little or maybe even hurt but I was never broken and I sure as hell would never let people like you break me.
a convo with a guy i'm starting to trust. slowly but surely. it takes while when certain people are involved.
Michaela
i feel like i offended and hurt someone and that i was kinda selfish and that what i did was really unprofessional and it was inconsierate and kinda rude but sometimes you have to be selfish
*inconsiderate
and all of that other stuff
3:23amGerardo
sometimes , but why do u feel like that , what happen ?
3:24amGerardo
some people say they wanna be selfish but really , they go about it in a negative way .. is ok to be selfish for ur happiness but not if u mean to hurt some1
3:25amMichaela
i very rarely intend to hurt people its just not in my nature
3:27amGerardo
im sure , but some people selfconsciencely do it
3:30amMichaela
and im not dumb. i KNOW when people are doing things that are designed to hurt me and make me feel bad but theres only so much a person can take. like i ignore it and act like none of it bothers me but i see and hear way more than people think i do and im not paranoid or stupid. im human like everyone else and shit gets to me too but itry and just brush it all off and move on but there are only so many places a girl can move to.
3:31amGerardo
thats true , i as we get older that hole " sticks and stones " crap is meaningless , cuz words do hurt
3:32amMichaela
its words and actions and i know that if people were doing half of the shit to them that they do to me they would break and theyd wanna fight someone and would be royally pissed off
3:33amGerardo
so what are they doing to you ?
3:33amMichaela
its the actions and words and just generally being mistreated for no reason
and its really one person who has seemed to influenced an entire groups perception of me and thats messed up because i never did anything to anyone
and people arre like oh shes dumb and has no talent and is a whore and a bitch
3:35amMichaela
i am so nice even to people who have been not so nice to me because i really believe that they way you treat people dictates how youll be treated in the world
so im nice and polite and playful and im always here if ANYONE needs me ive done nothing to anyone and its like i have the fucking plague
3:38amGerardo
well the way i see it kid , u are focusing on the people who this like you, rather then the people who do, focus on real friends , and people who are good to you , when something happens to you , wether u get sick , get hurt, die or celebrate another bday , is going to be your people there not the ones that talk shit .. they wont matter , u dont have to ignore , just think positive
3:39amMichaela
and its like no matter what no one has the balls to say anything even though some people say to my face the way im treated is fucked up and its almost like i cant even trust those people that are really close its like sometimes i really fell like i have no one
SATURDAY:
I love my tiffy poo for saturday night. i seriously needed it. a distraction. a drink. a hug. a little love. and some new inside jokes. fun times with friends.
SUNDAY:
sleep and cleanup duty. but it was relaxing and kinda fun. sick huh? lol
so to recap my weekend was eventful. im choosing to leave it behind with a renewed sense of self and strength. fuck you if you have problem with it.
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